I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
