My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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