Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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