she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
