Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize