Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
