With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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