Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sex in a hospital.. check
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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