guys are only as good as the porn they watch
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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