can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
