I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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