i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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