Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
