Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
