True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
