i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
