Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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