Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
