i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
