Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
