i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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