just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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