i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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