Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
