I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
