Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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