he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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