So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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