THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
