She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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