she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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