That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
