the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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