did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
