i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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