i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
