just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
