I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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