Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
