so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
