You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
