He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
