You're my little dorito
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize