MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
