after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
