Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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