If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what day is it and did you see me today?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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