Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
