I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize