i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i've created a new STD.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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