I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
