im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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