u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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