so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
