i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
