Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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