i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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