The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
