I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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