dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
