Got a toothbrush?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize