I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
