im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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