just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
