I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
