He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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