I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
