I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
