I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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