Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
